10 Expert Tips To Prepare Siblings For Their New Baby
Congratulations on your expected or newborn baby! This is such an exciting time but it can also be a bit nerve racking with all the new changes to come. Don’t worry, I have you covered!
I get it! As a Mom of 3, I had to make this adjustment two times, learning along the way. These are my best tips to help you prepare your child(ren) before the baby comes and adjust once they have arrived.
This can be a hard transition for some toddlers, depending on their age, personality and how attached they are to you. Make sure to not make any new changes to their schedule, moving them out of a crib, to a new room or anything else 1-2 months before the baby is born. This can be too much new change for them and make the transition harder on them.
If your toddler or child is struggling to sleep, my first suggestion would be to get them to sleep independently, through the night prior to your baby arriving. This is one change they can handle before the baby and will benefit them greatly. This will also make it easier for you as a family; you don’t need two or more children keeping you up during the night, a baby is hard enough. Reach out if you need support in this, to create a plan that will work, and is gentle enough to help them sleep.
Here are some tips to help your toddler or child during this transition:
Talk and prepare ahead of time
This is something I want you to do during your whole pregnancy but really focus on it the last month of your pregnancy. Bring out all the baby’s things and let your child(ren) help you set up the baby’s room, the bassinet/crib, the baby swing and the diapers. This helps for things to feel real to them before the baby comes. Practice with a baby doll and show what life might look like. Show them how to hold, burp and feed the baby, and practice gentle hands. Talk about how things are going to change and what those changes might look like. How they are going to be a big brother or big sister and how that’s an important job. Answer any questions that they have.
2. Add baby into the bedtime routine even before they are born
A bedtime routine is a time to connect and bond with your toddler or child. If we can slowly make changes before the baby comes, it can help them get used to these changes with the baby being involved in the bedtime routine. You can say, okay mom and baby are going to put you to bed now. What story should I read to you and the baby? Would you like to cuddle the baby while we read? Would you like to sing a song to the baby before you go to bed? This will help the baby fall asleep. I even pretended the baby was kicking or moving and said how the singing helped the baby calm down and go to sleep. This can help your child feel like they have a job and shows how much they can help with the baby.
My son sang to my belly every night for months, and once my daughter was born, he would still sing to her before he went to bed. My daughter recognised his voice, and would look for him and stop crying and listen. I explained to him how this was such a big help and how much the baby loved to hear him sing. It was probably one of the most magical moments that just melted my heart.
3. Have your child get used to dad putting them down for bed
This may be something that you already do, but if your child is used to mom putting them down for bed, I would suggest getting them used to dad doing itl. If they are struggling, it might be best to leave the house which could help dad out so your toddler knows they can’t ask for you. You can also do a reward chart to help them if this is something new for them.
Why might this be helpful? You want your child to get used to dad putting them to bed, in case you are busy feeding the baby or struggling with a fussy, colicky baby. You can of course get someone to hold the baby, but sometimes baby just wants mom or needs to feed.
4. Have them try a sleepover or spend some time with their grandparent or whoever will help while you are at the hospital
If your child/children will be staying with family or grandparents while you are in the hospital or if you need a night or two to adjust to the new baby, then practice this prior to the baby coming. If your child has never spent the night away or even the day without you, then start with half a day (or a few hours) while you go to a doctor’s appointment, then try an overnight. Make sure to talk to your toddler about how they are going to have such a fun, special day with the grandparents. You don’t have to talk about how it’s practice for when the baby comes or how they are going to sleep over then, focus on the now so you don’t cause them to get nervous or upset.
5. The baby can give your child or children a gift
Give the gift to your child or children the day you get home from the hospital. Tell your child that the baby bought this special gift just for them. We want to make this a special time about your older child or children too so they don’t feel left out. There is so much focus on the baby, especially when people come to visit. You can even ask others to bring them a special little something like a small toy or candy so they don’t feel jealous of the baby or the attention they are getting.
6. Have a special basket with toys they can play with when you are nursing/feeding
This is helpful during the day when you have your toddler home with you, when you need to nurse or feed your baby and need to entertain and keep your child busy. This can be very helpful if you have a more needy or clingy toddler or if they get jealous when you are feeding the baby. This doesn’t have to be something you offer every time you nurse or feed your child, but if you are struggling with your child, this is a helpful tool. It is also okay to let your child sit beside you while you nurse or read them a book while you nurse. Luckily at the newborn age, they don’t get too distracted while they are nursing like they do when they get a bit older.
You want to put some of their favourite things in this basket which will make them excited about the time you nurse or need to be with the baby because they get to play with these toys. Make sure it isn’t something messy or something you don’t want them to play with without supervision.
If your child isn’t into this idea, you can also give them a snack or food to keep them busy.
7. Keep your child's schedule and routine the same
This one is VERY important! There are a lot of new changes for your child or children, so we want to make sure we can keep something consistent for them. This is why we want them to get used to dad putting them to bed so that if you can’t, they are still familiar with this routine.
If you can, aim to have a feeding before or after bedtime routine so that you can have some quality time with your child before bed. Put your baby down in a bouncer, momaroo, swing or in the bassinet so you can join in the bedtime routine. If your baby is fussy then you can hold your baby or have them in a wrap. Do what works best for you, it will probably change day to day, and that is okay!
Making sure your child isn’t overtired, allows them to adjust to these changes and go to bed more easily.
8. Get your child involved in helping
This is one of my favourite tips and it really helps your child to feel involved. Toddlers love to learn and help, so try to avoid telling them no. Instead show them what they can do to help. It may not always make things easier or faster, but it does help your toddler or child to feel empowered.
If your toddler is younger, then they can help with simple things like rubbing the baby’s head or belly while you do a diaper change. If they can sing or hum they can do this as well. Be sure to praise your toddler on how helpful they are being. This will help them to want to be more helpful next time, and avoid them hurting the baby for negative attention. Toddlers don’t care if they get negative or positive attention, so we want to really praise all the positive things they do. You can even give them stickers for all their hard work in the day helping.
Other things your child can do to be helpful is bringing you diapers, wipes, a burp blanket or pick out the baby’s outfit. They can also help soothe the baby by bringing them a pacifier or shushing them back to sleep.
If your child is older, they can help with many other things as well- whatever your comfort level allows (while keeping safety in mind, of course.) This is a way for them to also bond with their sibling, which is probably the most amazing thing for a parent to see. This was one of my favourite things to see when I had my second and third baby and I will cherish those memories forever.
9. Have one on one time with your child without the baby
In the newborn stage, I recommend putting your baby down, at least once a day for their nap. This allows you to have special time with your toddler or child without the baby around. This will help to “fill their cup” and feel special in the day. A lot of attention is put on the baby, so even if you can set aside 15 minutes with your child alone, it can be so beneficial for them. If you can’t do this everyday, don’t beat yourself up about it!
10. Ask for help
This can be hard for some moms to do, but I am telling you, PLEASE do it! The fourth trimester, the first few months after the baby is home, is a challenging time as you are healing and adjusting to life not only with a new baby but also trying to adjust to a new routine and figuring out how to navigate your time with each child.
Mom-guilt is hard! You will probably feel like you never did enough, or should have done something differently. I can tell you, you are doing amazing and are the BEST mom (or dad) for your children!
Ways to ask for help:
-Get someone to drop off food
-Make sure to vocalize to your partner what they can help with to make things easier.
-Let your partner help with roles with the baby, like changing their diaper, burping baby, holding baby so you can spend time with your older child or children. They can even help by bringing food or water to you if you are holding the baby.
-Ask or pay someone to clean your house
Just remember that your journey might look different than someone else’s, so do what works best for you and your family!
I have a great free guide to help with your newborn. It goes over everything to expect with your newborn, sleep tips and how to help during those fussy or colic periods. It would be great to read before or once your baby has been born. If you are struggling please reach out and I can help!