All About Nightmares and Night Terrors

I have personally seen my oldest son have both nightmares and bad night terrors and it was not easy to see. These are difficult moments to see your child so scared or upset or not even aware or what is happening to them. Finding out the lead causes of his nightmares and night terrors was life changing to help him sleep better and ease all of our minds. 

First let’s talk about the differences between nightmares and night terrors: 

Nightmares: 

-This happens in the second half of the night, after 12am, after they have had their deep sleep and during the REM sleep when they are dreaming 

-They are usually restless while dreaming, they cry and panic as they wake up and call for you. The nightmare usually doesn’t last long before they wake up.

-They are more easily woken if asleep, will wake up if you walk into the room and be more easily comforted.

-They usually remember they had a bad dream when asked.

-Their eyes are usually open when you go into their room or wake up when you come into the room.

Night Terrors: 

-This happens in the first half of the night, before 1:00 am. 

-You will notice your child screaming or crying and when you go into the room they seem disoriented, confused or even still appear half asleep. Not easy to calm down, can be very upset or screaming even when you talk to them.

-Won’t realize you are there in the room

-They won’t remember details of the dream or what happened the next day.

- Their eyes are usually closed, or glassy-eyes

-Can take a while to calm them down in order to fall back asleep

What to do when you go into the room:

-If they are having a nightmare then you can go into the room, comfort them, reassure and validate their feelings. This looks like “I understand that dream was scary, but it wasn’t real.” “Mommy/Daddy is right here, you are safe.” Then you can help you child go back to sleep, even talking to them about something else to dream about.

-If your child is having a night terror you do not want to wake them up. This can make them more upset and disoriented. The best think you can do is hold them, let them know you are there and they are safe. Do this until they are calm again, then you can touch them back into bed. If they are struggling and not responsive, you can even hum or sing their bedtime song to help their body regulate.

The main causes for both of these can be:

• The most common cause of both is from being overtired 

• Watching TV 1-2 hours before bedtime can overstimulate the brain, making it harder for them to get into a deep sleep. This can lead to more time dreaming, causing more dreams and bad dreams. 

• Certain foods such as sugar, caffeine or food dyes can make it harder for children to fall asleep, affecting their metabolism which can trigger nightmares or night terrors.

• Stress, anxiety, being sick, changes or sleeping in a new place can be other factors.

What to do to help reduce Nightmares or Night Terrors: 

• Put them to bed 10-15 minutes earlier, even 30 minutes earlier if they aren’t napping well. If they just dropped a nap, offer a quiet time or move bedtime up as much as 1 hour earlier. 

• Talk to your child about their fears during the day. Ask them what they are dreaming about. 

• Try to find out the cause of any fears or anxieties they are having during the day, any new changes that are occurring, and talk to them about it. 

• Remind them that you are always there and will come in and check on them. 

• Talk about their fears during the day, NOT right before bed. 

• Only talk about happy thoughts before bed. Give your child good thoughts to dream about. 

• Talk about what made them happy that day, to remind them of happy memories before bed. 

• Play music, or get your child to sing or hum before bed. This helps to release happy hormones and helps to stimulate the vagus nerves which helps with relaxation. 

• Play pretend during the day and help them realize what is real and what is not real. 

What NOT to do: 

• Using things like monster sprays or going along with their fears. Instead remind them that monsters aren’t real, there isn’t anything in their room. That they are safe in their room. 

• Don’t bring them into your room to sleep. This is a hard one as I know you are tired and you just want to go back to sleep. But I promise you this will bite you in the butt and will make things worse in the future. This makes your child think that they are only safe in your room and that they are not safe in their room. This will cause them to become more fearful of their room and going to bed, and can cause more bedtime battles of not wanting to go to sleep at all. Instead, acknowledge their fears but remind them that they are safe and that you are always close by. Give them something else to dream about, talk about something else so they can dream about that instead. Get them to hum or sing to calm their stress hormones. Cuddle them so they feel safe and calm. If none of that helps, then stay with them until they fall asleep. Remind them you are going back to bed when they fall asleep but they can call out if they need you. 

If you are struggling with bedtime battles with your toddler, preschooler or older child then you need to check out the 6 Steps To Reduce Bedtime Battles Guide that goes over all the reasons they stall bedtime, and how to enjoy your bedtime routine again so it's all about bonding - not battling.

If you want to talk and get more help trouble-shooting your child’s sleep then you can message me to book a call.